A girl walks into an audition room. She is dressed all in black, hair pulled back into a bun, and has a pair of black sunglasses on. When she takes her place in front of the judges, she takes the sunglasses off placing them atop her head. After a few seconds, she takes them off and sticks them inside a black purse.
The girl smiles for about 5 seconds then resumes her serious, severe look.
Girl: (in a deep-ish voice): Hello. My name is Anna. A - N - N - A. Anna.
There is a long silence.
The judges look at one another, like, "Is that it?"
Judge 1: Uh, hello Anna.
The girl doesn't break a smile.
Girl: Hello.
Another pause.
Judge 2: (takes a deep breath) Anna, yes, well, what are you going to show us today?
The girl stares straight back at the judge. The judge looks uncomfortable.
Girl: Are you trying to intimidate me?
Judge 2: (surprised) What?!
Girl: I said, (slowly, enunciating every syllable) Are you trying to scare me?
The judges look at one another.
Judge 1: Anna, this is an au - di- tion. You do know that, don't you?
Girl: And just what is THAT supposed to mean?
Judge 1: (with growing frustration) That means, that no one is here to scare or intimidate anyone. We want to see your MONOLOGUE for crying out loud!
Girl: (with a wild look in her eyes) Monologue? Did you say MONOLOGUE?!!! No. I don't "do" monologues. I only do scenes.
The judges stare back at her.
The girl suddenly smiles brightly.
Girl: And that concludes my scene for today. Thank you very very much!
The girl, seeming like a completely different person now, does a little curtsey and then joyfully turns around and leaves the room.
The judges watch her leave the room and stare at the door for a few seconds after she closes it. They then turn their heads (as if in slow motion) to look at one another.
Blackout.
The End
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Monologue
Girl:
Watching you eat made me think of a kitten I saw on tv. It had gone on a long journey, something like 200 or 300 miles to find its owner who had moved away and given it to a close friend. The kitten in search of its master, had trapsed over a mountain, been through a typhoon, you name it. The owner felt so terrible about abandoning the faithful cat and moreover, so moved that an animal could feel such things, that he took it as a sign that he should devote his life to the small feline. He didn’t do anything extreme, like buying the cat exotic leopard print outfits or winter boots, nor did he send it to a spa, but rather he attended to the cat’s real wants and needs, every single day. Apparently, the cat’s favorite food was kiriboshi daikon, and liked to eat it at a certain time every day. The tv program I saw showed a clip of the owner feeding the now slightly older kitty his favorite dish while the cat seemed to be watching a small tv set.
“It’s his favorite show,” the owner said. I felt my heart skip a beat for a second. There was something very odd going on here.
Observing the cat’s small profile, I had the queerest feeling that cat was at that moment watching itself on the small TV. I’ll never forget that little face, happily chewing on kiriboshi daikon as if it were popcorn.
Watching you eat made me think of a kitten I saw on tv. It had gone on a long journey, something like 200 or 300 miles to find its owner who had moved away and given it to a close friend. The kitten in search of its master, had trapsed over a mountain, been through a typhoon, you name it. The owner felt so terrible about abandoning the faithful cat and moreover, so moved that an animal could feel such things, that he took it as a sign that he should devote his life to the small feline. He didn’t do anything extreme, like buying the cat exotic leopard print outfits or winter boots, nor did he send it to a spa, but rather he attended to the cat’s real wants and needs, every single day. Apparently, the cat’s favorite food was kiriboshi daikon, and liked to eat it at a certain time every day. The tv program I saw showed a clip of the owner feeding the now slightly older kitty his favorite dish while the cat seemed to be watching a small tv set.
“It’s his favorite show,” the owner said. I felt my heart skip a beat for a second. There was something very odd going on here.
Observing the cat’s small profile, I had the queerest feeling that cat was at that moment watching itself on the small TV. I’ll never forget that little face, happily chewing on kiriboshi daikon as if it were popcorn.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Audition A
A girl walks into an audition room wearing a bright red brooch, pearl earrings, and a smart business-like, but pretty, ensemble.
The audition panel nods to her, gives the standard greetings, etc. as she enters the room.
Girl: Good afternoon! (she smiles as if she's a Nobel prize winner) My name is Suzette. Nice to meet you all!
The girl continues smiling hugely and waits for a response from the panel. A few awkward moments. When nothing happens, the girl continues.
Girl: I know I should be nervous for a big audition such as this, but well (she shrugs), I just don't really "get it." I mean, why do I have to be nervous? Why do most people get scared when meeting other people?
There is a long silence. The judges wait for her to continue with her monologue, but when she doesn't, they look back and forth at each other nervously. Finally, one judge speaks.
Judge 1: Well, it is a competition, in a manner of speaking, you know.
Girl: And?
The judge looks thrown off.
Judge 1: Well, if you want the job, don't you want to impress us?
Girl: Yeah, sure! That's why I dressed up!
Judge 2: Continue.
Girl: Well, yeah, I mean, you can look me over and see if I'm right for the role, right? It's not as if I can show you all of what's inside me in a matter of a couple minutes!
Judge 2: You can't?
Girl: (indignant) Of course not! Do you think that me telling you where I'm from, my family history, yada yada yada, can give you the slightest clue as to who I am?
Judge 2: Well, no. I suppose that isn't what we're looking for at all.
Girl: (triumphant now) Exactly! So, what IS it you want me to do?
Judge 1: That's for us to know, and for you to figure out.
The girl looks at the judges for a long time, then finally speaks.
Girl: I should have known you might give me an answer like that.
Judge 2: Well, "Suzette," you only have about 2 more minutes until we see the next actress.
Girl: Fine. I get it. Just give me a second.
The girl turns her back to the judges. She seems to be doing some deep breathing exercises. After a few moments, she speaks.
Girl: (with her back still turned) Alright. When I turn around, I don't know if you're going to like what you see, but this is it. This is me, my blood and guts, my insides, my heart beating and whole. Alright, here goes nothing.
Blackout. We hear a loud ripping sound. A pause.
We hear the judges scream and gasp. A few moments of silence.
Then, we hear thunderous applause.
THE END
The audition panel nods to her, gives the standard greetings, etc. as she enters the room.
Girl: Good afternoon! (she smiles as if she's a Nobel prize winner) My name is Suzette. Nice to meet you all!
The girl continues smiling hugely and waits for a response from the panel. A few awkward moments. When nothing happens, the girl continues.
Girl: I know I should be nervous for a big audition such as this, but well (she shrugs), I just don't really "get it." I mean, why do I have to be nervous? Why do most people get scared when meeting other people?
There is a long silence. The judges wait for her to continue with her monologue, but when she doesn't, they look back and forth at each other nervously. Finally, one judge speaks.
Judge 1: Well, it is a competition, in a manner of speaking, you know.
Girl: And?
The judge looks thrown off.
Judge 1: Well, if you want the job, don't you want to impress us?
Girl: Yeah, sure! That's why I dressed up!
Judge 2: Continue.
Girl: Well, yeah, I mean, you can look me over and see if I'm right for the role, right? It's not as if I can show you all of what's inside me in a matter of a couple minutes!
Judge 2: You can't?
Girl: (indignant) Of course not! Do you think that me telling you where I'm from, my family history, yada yada yada, can give you the slightest clue as to who I am?
Judge 2: Well, no. I suppose that isn't what we're looking for at all.
Girl: (triumphant now) Exactly! So, what IS it you want me to do?
Judge 1: That's for us to know, and for you to figure out.
The girl looks at the judges for a long time, then finally speaks.
Girl: I should have known you might give me an answer like that.
Judge 2: Well, "Suzette," you only have about 2 more minutes until we see the next actress.
Girl: Fine. I get it. Just give me a second.
The girl turns her back to the judges. She seems to be doing some deep breathing exercises. After a few moments, she speaks.
Girl: (with her back still turned) Alright. When I turn around, I don't know if you're going to like what you see, but this is it. This is me, my blood and guts, my insides, my heart beating and whole. Alright, here goes nothing.
Blackout. We hear a loud ripping sound. A pause.
We hear the judges scream and gasp. A few moments of silence.
Then, we hear thunderous applause.
THE END
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